Having a Tough Time

Typically I like to keep things positive on my blog because for right now until I have time to scrapbook this is my scrapbook. I feel overwhelmed with everything that is going on. Since we have moved in to my mom's home to clear it out and prepare it for sale I have seen things that I never I thought I would see in a place that I was living.

Just some background on me, I like things clean. I would prefer to miss sleep to make sure that my house is clean, things are put away and de-cluttered. I just sleep better knowing that things are in proper order. A little OCD I know, but that is just me.

Now I am living in a place that during the cleanest time was cluttered with all sorts of figurines, baskets, and other fragile dust collectors on every possible surface. With my mothers illness she was unable to care for herself for quite a while not to mention cleaning her home or developing any sort of organization. When we moved in most rooms had piles of stuff up to you knees. We dug out some living space to live. Then came up the issue of deep cleaning.

First we cleaned out the kitchen. Throwing out massive amounts of expired food and found bags and bags of white flour so infested with bugs that it looked like whole wheat flour. Thankfully Angie was asleep at the time we did this so I could shower and burn my clothes (not really, I washed them but felt like I should burn them) and she was not exposed. Still Gross!

Then we needed to make room in the garage to put all the things for the upcoming garage sale. She had a rat problem a couple of months ago in the garage because they found her emergency wheat storage. Well the rat problem was addressed but the rat dropping problem was not. My mother kept everything including every box she ever got. She kept these in the garage with various tissue paper, peanuts etc in them. While breaking these boxes down we discovered that they were the rats nests filled with rat droppings. Apparently the wheat storage fed them quite well. I almost vomited several times while cleaning this up. Again thankfully Angie was asleep so we could shower and clean up without directly exposing her.

Next my mom had several paranoias one being that something terrible would happen if she let the outside air in her home. Because of this she never opened the windows and apparently never used the vent in the bathrooms when she showered. This made a orange and black substance form everwhere in the bathroom especially on the ceiling. Thankfully Angie was away at a babysitter while I cleaned every surface in the master bathroom ceiling to floor and then cleaned myself.

Most recently last Friday I was doing the same thing to the other bathroom cleaning ceiling to floor and cleaning out the the cabinets. I then found eight tissue boxes in the back that were stuck together somehow. I pulled them out to find that they were fused together with a blackish green mold everwhere. This mold was also on the wall and cabinet where the boxes had been. Again I was thankful that Angie was away at a babysitters while I dealt with this issue and then cleaned up.

I feel disgusted by my surroundings. It is difficult being here with a very mobile baby and nothing baby proofed not to mention piles of things still around. I know that there still is massive amounts of rat droppings in the garage that need to be swept out and I fear what else I might find while doing things here.

When I talk to those I know without children they seem to make me feel like I am just being a wimp and none of this is a big deal. There are several people with children of their own who have helped me with babysitting and have offered to babysit. I am very grateful but I feel somewhat guilty using their help because I have one child and I feel overwhelmed. How could I expect them to take on another child just to help me out?

Sometimes I just feel frozen and overwhelmed with how to continue with this task. I wish that I had family here to support me. I have been having my brother come to help a little on Saturdays but he is very exhausted from his work week and only has a little energy to contribute.

Am I just a wimp or should I take advantage of the help other busy mothers are giving me?